


Peppa Pig Goes Postal

by MinorSmile09



Category: Call of Duty (Video Games), King of the Hill, Peppa Pig (Cartoon)
Genre: Canon - Anime, Car Chases, Death, Destruction, Gang Weed, Gun Violence, Humor, Mass shooting, Nanomachines Son, Other, Parody, Samurai, Swordfighting, Swords, Tragedy, War, Weapons Kink, Weapons of Mass Destruction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 15:27:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20548418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinorSmile09/pseuds/MinorSmile09
Summary: Peppa Pig has had enough.





	Peppa Pig Goes Postal

Peppa Pig ran home, from a group of starving Asian children trying to eat him.

“That was a close one!” Peppa said to himself. The Japanese had been chasing him for a while now. He finally decided it was time for war. His father had fought in Vietnam, it was Peppa’s turn to fight against the foreign menace (from beyond the hood, yo!). He ran to his dad’s garage and broke out the glock.

“What’s that you got there, son?” Peppa’s dad asked.

“Oi daddy, I’ve declared war against Europe! I’m goin’ postal, daddy!” Peppa said with excitement. His dad brushed it off, as most parents do.

“All right son, you have fun now! Be sure to watch the trees!” The dad said. Peppa nodded in approval and ran out the door.

Peppa realized that he now had to declare war against the whole neighborhood. They had disrespected him by refusing to give him the succ. Peppa now carried a totally overkill amount of weapons, all stolen from his totally-not-drug-dealing father.

“Alroight, now what would daddy use for this..?” Peppa asked himself. He finally decided on an RPK, and attached a huge box of ammo to it. Without a second thought, he loaded the gun with incendiary rounds.

This was a bad idea for various reasons.

Peppa blasted blazing-hot rounds across the town, blowing holes in buildings, trees, everything in sight. Luckily his aim was fucking awful, otherwise he’d have killed at least a dozen people. Civilians started running and screaming in terror. Peppa went back into his dad’s garage and attached the machine gun to the top of the car. Sabaton began playing over the radio, as Peppa now had purpose. He would retake Jerusalem.

Peppa placed duct tape on the trigger, and attached fifty hundred-round clips to it. He did some Knight Rider bullshit to make the car automated and make the gun tracking.

“Oi then, let’s go! We must take Jerusalem!” Peppa said, putting on his templar helmet.

As Peppa Pig rode into the glorious sunset, the Halo: Combat Evolved orchestra played. Heavenly choirs were sung through the streets as Peppa began razing the town to the ground. Bullets flew through the air, acting like sandpaper as they ground nearby buildings into dust.

“Alroight computa, prepare for missile launch!” Peppa yelled. The computer obeyed the town’s would-be leader, activating a rack of hellfire rockets. Missiles were sent flying into nearby buildings, sending them crashing down. Peppa Pig was now a war criminal, but he was proud of it.

There was only one legendary man who could stop Peppa Pig now.

Hank Hill was awoken from his sleep by thunderous machine gun fire. He looked out the window and saw, of all people, Peppa Fucking Pig blowing the town to bits.

He blinked a few times.

“Well to hell with this, I’m going back to sleep.” Hank said to himself, laying back down.

Hey, I said he COULD stop Peppa Pig. I didn’t say he would.

BUT! As it turns out, there’s a SECOND man who can stop Peppa Pig…

“Nine million people used to live in London...now it’s a ghost town.” Captain John Price said to himself. Price cocked his M4A1 and readied up.

“It’s up to me to secure the future of England. God save the Queen!” Price yelled, jumping off his roof and landing on top of Peppa’s car.

“Warning. Intruder alert.” Peppa’s car said to the crusading piglet. Peppa squinted his eyes.

“I’ve waited for this day.”

Out of the blue, a set of pure silver samurai armor formed around Peppa. He pulled out a sword and jumped out of his car, barely avoiding a well timed grenade toss by Price. The car crashed, and subsequently shut down, crashing into a tree.

“God’s calling, piglet. Time to come home.” Price said sternly, pointing his weapon at Peppa.

Peppa’s accent turned into a sharp Japanese.

“So be it.”

In two flashes of light, the had slain each other. Peppa Pig impaled Captain Price on his ancient Japanese blade, only to feel dizzy. Blood slowly rushed down Peppa’s forehead, and the piglet fell down, dead.

The terror was over at last. Captain Price had boldly sacrificed himself to stop the pig’s rampage. But one question remained, can one truly do wrong in a world run by clowns?

We live in a society.


End file.
